Break Me

I cannot escape from your spirit.

You pursue

my guilty heart, so guarded;

In danger of hardening,

I’m running.

Majesty

saturates these cowering bones

until I am silenced.

My doubtful soul is   e x p o s e d

in Your mercy.

Such radiant mercy,

illuminating everything,

it obliterates my shame in its brilliance.

Suddenly I know my deepest fears are known.

Deeply unworthy, and naked before you

- A huddle of piteous defenses -

My eyes must refocus

and adjust to the light.

Affronted:

my focus is lifted

and fixed on LIFE itself

as floods of Righteousness

erupt like the dawn

and flow forth over me:

Restoring my soul.

My gaze is commanded by You -

There is no other thing that compares.

You who breathed stars,

and stationed the moon in place;

All-powerful and unchanging,

You call my name.

Who am I to run from You?

To presume, as one scorned,

that I have earned a cold-shoulder,

and must wander alone,

when my salvation comes from You only?

You made me, You created me!

Oh, why in guilt do I doubt!

From everlasting to everlasting

You are Lord.

No matter how hard I run,

Grace overtakes me.

Your vulnerability

melts my resistance,

and breaks me;

Here I am, undone.

Who am I that you should care for me,

that you should forfeit your Glory to ransom me?

You know me -

You know how weak I am, that I am only dust!

And how often I fail you.

Yet, true to your promises forever -

slow to anger, and abounding in Love -

You are faithful and just to forgive.

In the scars of Your Son

My sin is absorbed.

[Teach me your ways, O Lord,

That I may live according to your Truth!

Grant me purity of heart,

That I may honor You.

With all my heart I will praise you,

O Lord my God.

I will give glory to your name forever,

For your love for me is very great.

You have rescued me from the depths

Of death.] ~ psalm 86verse11to13

Teach me to T R U S T.

I will trust You

The soothing warmth of the summer air, 

and her spicy, joyful fragrances of freedom 

are conflicting with more sultry, sobering flavors of Autumn; 

there is something changing, shifting. 

Summer's youthful abandon and contagious elation are being steadied 

by the stirrings of wise old Winter, 

who's slumber is drawing to an end. 

It is time to put away foolish revelry, and pay attention 

to the lessons we must learn. 

While Summer energetically encouraged and inspired, 

Winter now cautions with a fatherly wisdom, urging us to use prudence, 

to take note. "You must understand what is to be learned - the things that must be borne, and matured." He gently admonishes. 

While summer taught us abundance, Winter warns us of sacrifice. 

And patient, faithful endurance.   

His movement infuses the merry air with sharper, 

more acute scents of wood smoke and cinnamon - 

inciting caution in the eager breast of Summer; 

Earth pauses...   
Waiting.

[A trickle of fire smoke rises into the fading afternoon sky; 

people are hurrying home earlier, as dusk descends, and cold awakens. 
Leaves are slowly being stained a deep, burnt amber, 

falling sparks of fire from the trees.

Like cinders,  they fall,  carpeting the ground in burning Colour.]   

It is time for season's change. 

And suddenly, the changing seasons flood my heart with memories 

of old, of childhood - wrapping up warm, staying safe and sound inside, 

dreaming into the embers of a dying fire... 

With my fingers wrapped around a steaming mug of something delicious, 

I knew no other life than to be loved and protected. 

But a time came when that safety was shattered, 

a young heart was left exposed, and wounded. 

Too soon I became acquainted with pain, and sacrifice, and loss...  

Summer doesn't last forever. 

Now, there is a lonesome edge to the cold.

Maybe a shift in the seasons - as summer fades and winter advances - 

reminds me of those things;  and for a moment,

my heart is hollowed by the loss. 

I yearn to go home once more, to be - just once - a child again, 

to know the comfort of my Father's arms.

And yet I know now, that without Winters, I will never grow to maturity. 

I won't learn the great lengths YOU went to -

all You gave up,

for us. 

For You love us most:
Your love is surest, and deepest, and strongest.

So I will trust you.

I remember the things you have done; 

Your promise - to be with me always, even to the end of the age - 

and my heart takes courage within me. 

For I remember that You have called me yours, and You are Good.

Though sacrifice ensues, I know that Your grace is enough. 

Teach me to thank you - to bring a sacrifice of praise.

For YOU are my God, and my Hope, and my Salvation, 

and you have carried me thus far. 

When I was young, and broken with pain, 

you comforted me, and clothed me in Peace; 

You revealed Your beauty to my ragged soul, and surrounded me. 

I was abandoned, but You held me close. 

I was wounded, yet you healed me. 
I was ashamed, and you covered me. 

YOU are my help, and my refuge in times of trouble. 

You know all things, and you know what to do.   
You are the only one who keeps your promise forever, 
your Word is unchanging.    

Though time keeps moving, and the sun must rise and set; 

though ocean tides are always turning, and seasons will not stop changing, 

though I may lose something I love, or have found safety in; 

things that, in my own understanding, I need - 

may I lose them in order to gain You. 

Because You are the same yesterday, today and forever,  
And those who put their Trust in you shall never be disappointed.

✟=♥ CROSS=LOVE ✞=♡

We had our first Elevate for the year, as a Creative family, the other night, on the 21st March 2013.

It was so impacting, refreshing, humbling, organic, genuine and pure. 
So many things.
It was such an incredible night of worship and fellowship to be a part of, I'm still thinking about it!

UNITED were with us, and they did the whole new album [ZION] acoustically. Joel spoke throughout the night, between the songs, and gave some context and background to them, which put the album in a whole new light for me. It's so amazing, how much more weight and perspective is added to a song when you understand where it came from, and why it was born... the kind of context that invites us to sing with so much more conviction, because we are singing from a place of RESPONSE. There's so much power in that.
I felt like we actually stepped into a purity of worship that night, that we've not stepped into before - but it was because it felt like we, as a united body, were more fully realizing the truth of what we have in Christ - that we have His love, and His grace, and His mercy upon us, in which we are constantly and forever held. It felt almost as if, finally - a mutual understanding between God and His people was reached. An understanding and accepting, on our part, of the unconditional Love that He has for us, and the relationship He has spent history pursuing. It was like His salvation was beating stronger in our hearts: A confidence that we don't need to run from Him - He knows us, for he created us. And he loves us.
After reading through Romans recently, I've been gaining deeper revelations of what Jesus actually did for US - how simple the gospel truly is, at its core - it's so simple, it's almost unbelievable. That's what I increasingly marvel at! And yet the magnitude and power of what it means for us personally can take so long to sink in, sometimes. I'm only just beginning to understand it more thoroughly for myself! But the more I understand, the more humbled and overwhelmed I am. In our Easter services this Easter, we unpacked a song we've been singing from ZION, called 'The Scandal of Grace'...

I honestly think the simplicity of the Gospel is one reason why so many of us don't fully understand what we have, and have access to, through Christ, and live in it. Because it's all about receiving, having done nothing, and we humans struggle with that. [Why do we struggle so?!]
He loved us so much, he came to set us free; he made it possible for us to stand before the Father even though we are ragged, unworthy, and unfaithful, mistrustful people. He made it possible for us to have a [RELATIONSHIP] with God - the author and creator and sustainer of Life - in every single event and occasion of our lives; in sin and in guilt, in love and in joy. Nothing can separate us from His Love. Nothing.
All we need to do is trust it. And keep trusting it.
But Satan knows just how much guilt and shame and fear and insecurity and pride have the ability to separate, if we believe they separate us from the Father, because all of us fall short of His glory, and we feel it most keenly at times. And so this is where we are often deceived, and separate ourselves from God. Satan knows so well that if we just have the faith to run to the Father in our failures or immaturity or rebellion and insecurities, he will give us the grace and strength that we need, to persevere and overcome.  And g r o w. Because he doesn't condemn us, anymore. Jesus took that condemnation on the cross, and now he offers us victory, and Grace instead. He offers relationship. So the enemy attacks us in our weaknesses, and he lies, in order to get us to hide, and run.

I have.

Yet the Word says that NOTHING can separate us from His love. That isn't just beautiful poetry -
it is the word and promise and authority of God, and it further proclaims that we are sons and daughters of His, who are made righteous and holy because of HIS purpose and will, not anything we have done. It's all because of how much he loves us, and created us to love Him. He has made it so that nothing can get in the way of this, unless we choose to allow it. Jesus was the FIRST BORN, in this great family we are called to be a part of. We are adopted into it by faith. And in it, we are FREE, and we have Him. We love, because HE first loved us.
Because of Jesus' sacrifice - because HE bore our shame, and our guilt - these things no longer disqualify us from His help, or His love, or His blessing and comfort, or His presence. This is the place of highest privilege in which each and every one of us can now stand, if only we would stop trying to earn Love that is not a reward, but a GIFT; it is only in the humble and grateful RECEIVING of it that we are then made Holy. To receive such a gift as RIGHTEOUSNESS without trying to establish our own as "insurance" for it, takes humility, vulnerability and great faith, because by the act of receiving something we didn't earn or establish, we are acknowledging our great NEED for something we are not capable of providing for ourselves. [We are really nothing without Him.] Yet in our present culture, NEED is quite a negative thing. We are encouraged to be independent, self-fulfilled people, who earn their way, pay their way, and sport titles and doctorates and qualifications; "free stuff" is mostly for those who are bold and unashamed enough to claim it.
'The needy ones.'
We would all love to maintain an appearance of security that denies any need for "charity" from anyone else, and if offered, charity can almost have more power to offend than bless the receiver, if it is interpreted as a message of "You look like you are in need"...
Is it really a bad thing to be in need? And be okay with it?
Pride would have us think so.
But at the heart, this is the gospel. God's freely and generously extended grace to ANY one person who is bold and yet humble enough to receive it, regardless of who they are, or what they have done.

Everything that was said at Elevate was incredibly laced with some of the things I've been learning and growing in, in my own faith, over the past month or so, that I felt like the whole service was one giant gift. To hear the echo of something God has gently been teaching you through His word, and through the tangible, personal experience of His love, in another's testimony, is so incredibly encouraging. God's love was so present, for me, through the whole service. It was a complete, united encounter with Him. There is something so impacting about the gospel being laid out afresh in a relevant, creative and authentic way, and then highlighted with songs of worship and gratitude along the way. On reflection, our Elevate service as a whole was like an assortment of words, strong and full of truth in themselves, but once punctuated with songs of love and faith and worship, these words were wound together into one unified, fluent and beautiful passage, that I know must have been written onto so many hearts that night.
The band was also set up in a round, which I love. The worship leaders were seated, and because they were not raised above the congregation, the atmosphere felt so intimate... so much more conducive to our focus being placed wholly on Him; an environment so receptive of the Love he must yearn to pour out on us so much more than he is often given opportunity to. Worship that feels inclusive this way - and united - is so powerful. A moment where everyone is equal to those on their left and right, and in one accord, one stance before God, unafraid, and unashamed -

Family.
I love that.

I so long for my family to understand this, and those to whom their whole lives long, love has been conditional, or extended like a reward.
When I think of all the guilt and inferiority you must feel at times, when you are struggling with something, or keep falling into destructive patterns of guilt and shame, and it becomes harder and harder to keep coming back to God,  because the enemy is telling you that you are not good enough, and won't ever be good enough, my heart breaks. Because I know the loneliness this results in, and the isolation it causes. Feeling like you are the only one who isn't good enough; feeling so alone in your shame, or guilt, or fear, or doubt... I know what it is to feel increasingly unworthy.
Oh, how His heart breaks for you!
It was broken for you. For you were never worthy, and will never be worthy by your own efforts. HE alone is worthy, and yet he willingly chose to bear our unworthiness on the cross - Jesus died for us before we had ever done a single thing, right or wrong, because His Love is a GIFT. We are capable of either accepting it, or rejecting it.We love, because He first loved us.
Whoever You are, He wants You. He loves, because that's who He is. You are so, completely and perfectly loved. You haven't missed your chance. And you don't have to get it together enough to be accepted. If nothing you've done made you worthy of His love in the first place, why would anything you do now condemn you? When you fall - because you will - trust Him. Run to him for strength, and the courage to overcome, even though everything else may be screaming: run FROM him! His Word assures us that he keeps his promises forever, and that he has given us the ABILITY to live for His glory.
If we are saved by grace, which we are, we don't "keep" or maintain our Salvation through our own righteousness, our own efforts. Grace is what sustains us from now on. You didn't save yourself, so you can't BE saved on your own, either. Salvation is a RELATIONSHIP of Trust - continually making the choice to trust the Father's love, believe that his grace is enough in your weaknesses, and depend upon the work of the Holy Spirit in you, to make you Holy and blameless so that on the day of the King's arrival, you will stand before Him redeemed, and radiantly singing His praises.

"God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And

you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation

is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of 

us can boast about it."

Ephesians 2:8 NLT

And He will establish you to the end [keep you steadfast, 

give you strength, and guarantee your vindication; He will

be your warrant against all accusation or indictment so that

you will be] guiltless and irreproachable in the day of our 

LORD Jesus Christ (the messiah). God is faithful (reliable,

trustworthy, and therefore ever true to His promise, and He

can be depended on); by Him you were called into 

companionship and participation with His son, Jesus Christ

     our Lord.                                       1 Corinthians 1:8-9 AMP                                                                

..."by Him you were called into companionship and participation with His son, Jesus Christ our Lord." You have been offered a relationship in which your deepest desires are recognized, your deepest longing for love will be fulfilled, and your weaknesses will be overlooked, because you are forgiven, and Grace abounds for you instead. THAT'S what He so wants you to understand.
Find him for yourself before you conceive an impression or opinion or expectation of Him that is false, and will ultimately leave you disappointed! He has all the time in the World, and he's waiting...

Elevate, and our Easter services so far this year, have stirred my desire to see people really understand Christ's love for them, though we will never completely understand it, in this life. Because I am convinced that you cannot understand much until you understand and experience the Love of God. It isn't just some unattainable ideal - it can be personally experienced, and personally felt, on any day of the week. He loves you.
My own confidence in Jesus' love has been steeled even further still this Easter season. I am so grateful to have the life that I have, here and now, part of the family of God, and part of his church, the more I understand how much others who have gone before me have been without.
This side of the cross is the most privileged place anyone could ever dream of being, and yet, that is the place where we now stand.

As a priest, Christ made a single sacrifice for sins, and that was it!

...It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some

very imperfect people. By that single offering, he did everything

that needed to be done for everyone who takes part in the purifying

process. The Holy Spirit confirms this: This new plan I'm making

with Israel (You) isn't going to be written on paper, isn't going to be

chiseled on stone; This time "I'm writing out the plan in them, carving

it on the lining of their hearts." He concludes, I'll forever wipe the 

slate clean of their sins. Once sins are taken care of for good, there's 

no longer any need to offer sacrifices for them.

Hebrews 10:12-18 TM

A Beautiful Demolition

It is worth noting, that in the presence of our King, what can begin

as a moment [we] create, In an effort to glorify Him,

can so easily be transformed into a platform on which to parade our own Pride in ourselves –

In our status, or position;

our glorious intentions collide with the responsibilities

of the Freedom we have been granted through the cross.

This tension, the Freedom of choosing submission,

of laying aside any of our rights to recognition for the sake of [His] fame,

is the tension of sacrifice;

a sacrifice of praise.

We can ride on [our] pride for a time,

on momentum, repetition;

But he does not share his glory with anyone.

He keeps his distance from the proud, and gives grace to the humble.

Yet even when our intentions to glorify Him

are marred by selfish ambition… He melts, he leans in.

For so great is His desire to love and be loved,

to meet our advances, however feeble,

that he sent even His only Son to suffer for our sin,

so that even in rebellion, we could approach Him.

This is the Good News of Salvation.

Thus, Grace descends, a beautiful demolition

of anything – any wall, any reason – that might keep us from Him.

Even in trying to elevate our King,

We are prone to fall short, sidetracked with ourselves,

with shallow, material things.

Yet, because of Jesus, he comes. So gently, so humbly.

His Spirit resounding in ours - reassuring, comforting.

A servant King, seeking to relieve the burdens that weigh us down,

the walls and wounds that keep His love out,

and restore us to friendship with Him.

At this encounter,

All security built on human promotion melts.

All confidence built on deeds we have done is stripped back,

and exposed.

Any value we may have attained by any means other than His Word

is suddenly undone.

We can boast of nothing, save our need of His Love,

and breath,

and song in our lungs.

He is, we are.

He has always been, and will always be. We are merely a breath of air,

Subject to his majesty. And yet we are his masterpiece, His bride.

The object of His passion.

Humbled in our realization that We are the ones wooed,

and can give him nothing,

our resistance is broken.

[For everything comes from Him; everything exists by His power

and is intended for His glory.]

It is in this understanding, this revelation, that there is freedom.

Freedom to love him in abandon,

and stand with arms wide open, in the rhythms of his Grace,

A receptor of His Redemption – not hiding,

but steadfastly trusting His heart.

We love, because He first loved us.

And it is on this foundation that we are built up,

and can never be shaken.